1. |
Plunder's Greatest Hits
03:23
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I used to make the nightly news...nightly
Without me they had nothing to talk about
World leaders found me frightening
Of my fearful influence there can be no doubt
I've graced the cover of every major publication
All while I invented fake news
You have me to thank for every awkward conversation
As your families argued half-truths
Were you there when I inverted the pyramids
Or the time I shortened confederation bridge
Did you see the pool? I flipped the bitch
And did you notice when I raised all your eBay bids?
It was me! I raised your eBay bids
You think that do-gooder stopped me?
That I was thwarted by the likes of him?
Only shows what little you know
You can't understand the dance we're in
I had Taj Mahal and his guitar inside the Taj Mahal in my backyard
Who stole the dog from the dog house?
I did baby, I did
It was me! You better believe I did
Times may have changed
But I'm still here
And once I figure out social media
I'll leave my lair
I made omelettes with the rarest of Fabergé eggs
Replaced all the fine art with poorly-painted fakes
Personally financed the worst movie remakes
And I invited disposable coffee pods
I'm the reason you have to have one when you go to your mom's
Of course this is all to say
That I will be back
So consider yourself fortunate
That I haven't taken umbrage with you yet
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2. |
I, Plunder
02:50
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What's my name?
And what do I do?
I plunder, you fall
I plunder, you dissolve
I plunder, you kneel
I plunder, you yield to me
And what do I do while you crawl?
I plunder, you concede
I plunder, you bleed
I plunder, you recoil
I plunder, you soil yourself
And what do I do while you hobble?
And what do I do while you grovel?
I plunder, you pray
I plunder and I feel plunderous today
I plunder, you plead
I plunder, you cease to be
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3. |
My Dear Rival
04:03
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Oh, my dear rival
Do you recall our golden age?
Titans, we clashed over this city
While you sought me in a cage
We matched scar for scar
Our egos, mirrored bruises
Opposing sides of the same coin
Brought together by hubris
And oh! We had such fun
I stole and you recovered
And when each dance was done
We licked our wounds anticipating another
Do you recall when I had you by the cape
Above that vat of acid?
You should have seen the look upon your face
How I wish those days had lasted
Because oh, how we fought
I schemed and you thwarted
And at the end of every plot
Another clash was all but sorted
It's been some time now
Since you deigned to foil my plots
And I wish you could see how these other do-gooders never measure up
For this new crop it's the cameras and glory that drives them
They have no respect for the art of it
No desire to be true rivals!
But oh, how we battled
I attacked and you defended
Yes, how we clashed
I broke and you mended
Of course we had such fun
I planned and you upended
Those days are gone now
But I'm still here preening
If you would once again don the cape
I would gladly get back to scheming
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4. |
On Villainous Origins
02:49
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Did you wonder if I was bitten by an irradiated insect
Or gifted alien circuitry?
Maybe I was built as a sadistic cyborg
Or possessed by a demonic entity?
Was my family killed in a squabble between heroes
Filling me with bitter rage?
Perhaps I was struck by lightning while covered in chemicals
Empowering the wars I wage?
Insipid fools!
You dare propose such banal beginnings for the likes of me?
The truth of course is much more fitting
For I simply am and have always been
Plunder
Did you suppose that I had been created by science
Birthed in a laboratory
The result of some evil appliance
Or any such undignified story
You dare propose such banal beginnings for the likes of me?
The truth of course is much more fitting
For I simply am and have always been
Plunder
Enhancements!
Advancements!
Sorcery!
Technology!
Mutation!
Radiation!
Plunder needs none of these vapid motivations
For I am and will always be
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5. |
You Are Not Lord Plunder
03:37
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Lord Plunder does not sit in a chair
He commands his throne
And he does not ask for things
He demands what he rightfully owns
He does not eat a sandwich
But consumes the last delicacy
And he does not use the toilet
He defecates on the souls of his enemies
Lord Plunder does not make small talk
He gives large orations
And he may employ the 3rd person
In reference to his obvious greatness
The likes of you may be content with the trivial and mundane
But you are not Lord Plunder and shall put respect upon his name
Lord plunder does not sleep
He slumbers (shh)
And he does not weep
He Plunders!
Lord plunder does not chuckle
He laughs maniacally (Ha! Ha!)
And he does not argue or bicker
He ends your entire family tree
You and yours are of course free to be so pedestrian and simple
But you are not Lord Plunder and you will never make the world tremble
You are not Lord Plunder
And you never will be
There is only one Lord Plunder
And you'll rue the day you ever crossed me
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6. |
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It used to be much easier
There were more of us then
Each day new ideas for deathtraps
And evil schemes without end
Group discounts on acid, uniforms and sharks
A seemingly never-ending supply of abandoned amusement parks
And we called ourselves evil because what an enjoyable thing to say
But now I'm the only one
The last of the SONs
And being evil alone is no fun
Some were caught along the way
A few fell into their own traps
Several simply weren't evil enough
And we just could not have that
We used to carpool in our sinister rides to the future crime scene
Weekly jam nights where we all composed our unique villainous themes
And we laughed maniacally because what a fun thing to do
But now I'm the only one
The last of the SONs
And being evil alone is no fun
Does this stir something inside your black heart?
Perhaps you've considered a career in the villainous arts?
If you want bulk discounts on the finest weapons, like poisonous darts
And to be immortalized on a collectible set of bad guy trading cards
You'll start as my disposable henchmen
But I'm sure you can work your way up
Then I won't be the only one
The return of the SONs
And being evil together will be fun
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Lord Plunder & The Sons of No One Hamilton, Ontario
As the leader of the Sons of No One, Lord Plunder has probably been responsible for something horrible happening to you at some point. Give thanks that he is currently more taken with applying his iron fist to synthesizers than ruling your mundane world. ... more
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